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Once I Turned Fifty Once I turned fifty I was ready to be a grandma. It seemed that I had just enough energy almost enough wisdom and plenty of love that I had been saving up to give to this new little person. I always wondered what it would be like? Would I love her as much as I loved you when you were first born? (I think I do) Would I spend hours holding her like I held you, gazing into your eyes, telling you secrets and dreaming of what our life would be like together? (I wish I could) Would she look like you or resemble her dad? (a bit of both of you, I think) Would she break my heart like you could do? Yes. People ask what is the meaning of your arms folded over your chest. Are you mad? Are you protecting yourself? Does your heart hurt? Yes. Yes. Yes. And I remember feeling strong and proud and scared when I first held my child, and thought that I would always protect her. What can I do now? All our arms are empty. J.G. Reprinted with permission. To order the booklet, A Grandparent's Sorrow, call 503-284-8985