ANDY BABY

Message 1: September 22, 2004

I was 20 years old when I got the great news that I was 8 weeks pregnant! I was over the moon, but I had just undergone an operation that put my baby at risk. My doctor told me that because I had managed so far without difficulty, there was a 99% chance of no complications. A week later I felt weird. This continued for 10 weeks with daily ultrasounds and check-ups.

My baby was perfect - his heart beat, his size, everything. Midnight on Friday, the 26th of October, 2002, this all changed. I went to hospital, having been in labour for a week. I was a wreck. The hospital sent me home where I lost my Andy Babe! Eighteen weeks is not legally a baby. He was still classed as a fetus.

I was unable to have a formal funeral for him but I gave him the best funeral at my parents' house where he was placed in the inside of a blue bear and then inside a sealed glass container. He now has a peace rose bush above his grave and a bright memorial area in my garden, where one day his body and rose will be moved.

Two years have passed since I lost him and the pain is still so deep! I look up to the sky and smile when I see a star because I know he is watching from above until that day I can meet him there!

Rest in peace Andy Babe, we all love you and always will!

Submitted by: Bec Salau

Message 2: December 7, 2004

It seems like yesterday that I lost you, Andy, yet years have passed and the pain still haunts me every day! Andy became an angel to me on October 26th, 2002. I never knew him in the physical way as I was 18 weeks pregnant when I lost him. Yet, as his mother, I knew all too well that he was my baby; what the doctors called a 'healthy baby.'

To lose a healthy child, my first child, nearly destroyed me. It was my body that had the problem, not him, and so to this day I still feel the guilt that my body failed to provide a safe haven for him during his most vital times of growth!

Miscarriage is too under-acknowledged in our society. The pain that it causes can be as bad as any other death! The grief process is the same, although different in all cases!

I am writing to honour my little boy, Andy, but not in the usual way. I want to let people out there know that there are other people experiencing a similar pain, that no one is truly alone in a time like this! The internet has provided me with such great support and has provided me with ways that Andy can live on, not only in my heart but in many others' as well!

For all of you who have lost a child, a parent, a sibling, a relative or a friend, you are not alone and we can succeed. This is what Andy has taught me about life. No matter how unfair it may seem, we can still go on!

I love you, Andy, and all of you that are with him!

Submitted by: Bec Salau